


Liebestraum (dream of love)

by luminesceent



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dreamsharing, Fluff, I think?, M/M, it basically follows the canon timeline, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28353249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminesceent/pseuds/luminesceent
Summary: “Do you remember your dream?”Youngjae’s eyes widened, caught off guard by such a random question.“I dreamed of you Youngjae, did you dream of me too?”Jaebeom started to describe every detail of his dream. As he progressed in his explanation, his roommate’s expression morphed from bewilderment to stupefaction: everything Jaebeom was describing perfectly matched the dream he just had.Still in their bed but very much awake now, they looked at each other in silence. Jaebeom was certain now. He took a deep breath.“Youngjae, I think I’m able to step into your dreams.”Or a canon idol-verse au in which Jaebeom can step into Youngjae's dreams at random times.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae/Im Jaebum | JB
Comments: 14
Kudos: 37
Collections: Moonlight through the palm tree 1





	Liebestraum (dream of love)

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [MTTPT1](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/MTTPT1) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Canon idolverse with a modern fantasy element: in this universe, people with a close bond can step into each other's dreams. What does this mean for Jaebeom and Youngjae? 
> 
> Author can choose whether they would like to cover from dorm days to present, or just focus on present timeline.

The first time it happened, they were still roommates.

This was a few days before their official comeback A, and the overall nervosity of the group was at its peak. Finally debuting a few months ago as a group was a relief, a dream come true, but they knew that it didn’t mean they were allowed to slack off. As rookies of a big entertainment company, they had a lot of eyes on them. Despite all the pressure and incertitude about their future success, most members were happy and excited to come back with a brighter concept.  
Youngjae was particularly enthusiastic about the title track since he had more lines than in their debut song. But more lines meant that he also put more pressure on himself. Jaebeom, as his roommate, knew that more than anyone else.  
“Ok, good job guys, let’s go get some sleep.” A member of the staff said after clapping his hand once.  
These magic words were enough to dismiss the tension of the atmosphere. The clock indicated one in the morning already. Repeating the same steps over and over and constantly monitoring their expression was particularly excruciating for the group. So after saying good night to everyone, Jaebeom reached his room, he removed all his sweaty clothes, threw himself on the mattress, and fell asleep in a minute. He didn't even hear Youngjae join him on the bed after showering.

Jaebeom rarely remembered his dreams. Most of them were rather bland, so they would vanish from his memory the moment he got out of bed. But this time it was different.  
When he opened his eyes, he immediately felt like something was off. Like none of this was real - which was the case, but he wasn’t supposed to realize that. Jaebeom never had lucid dreams in the past and even though this time felt strange, he still couldn’t put the word “dream” to it.  
He took a better look at his surroundings. The place was dark, with a lot of curtains hanging around, and in front of him was a long, empty hall. Jaebeom quickly realized that he was in the back of a concert venue when he heard the loud bass and a singing voice in the distance.  
Curious, he walked through it. The noise became louder, but the voice stopped. When he passed a curtain, he first got blinded by a light spot. But then, he saw him.

Youngjae was there, standing alone on the stage. Jaebeom blinked in confusion: why was he wearing the comfy clothes he just wore during practice? Was this even appropriate for a concert? And why was he singing alone, without everyone, without _him_ by his side?

Youngjae’s shoulders looked quite tense, and the grip on his mic was so strong his knuckles had turned white. Slightly shaking, he cleared his throat and started singing. “He’s out of tune, that’s weird.” thought Jaebeom. Youngjae was a good singer, he knew that so this didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t even decipher the lyrics. All he could feel was the sad tone of the song. And all he could see was Youngjae’s distressed expression illuminated by the light.  
Jaebeom then turned his head to see the public.  
The venue looked full of people but something was definitely strange about the whole scene. Jaebeom squinted and then realized in horror that instead of regular fans, the seats were filled with faceless, lifeless people. They all looked like puppets. But he could also hear a fainted mocking laugh in the background.  
“Wha-”  
Youngjae’s voice suddenly cracked. And Jaebeom woke up.

He immediately stood up, the memories of his dream still vivid, and looked at his roommate next to him in panic. To his surprise, he was also awake.  
“Oh, good morning, hyung…” his voice was so small and he smiled weakly at the leader after rubbing his eyes.  
But Jaebeom noticed.  
He saw, for a second, a distressed expression on his face. The same as he had in his dream.  
Jaebeom’s stomach dropped. Was this dream supposed to be a sign? Did he felt Youngjae’s nervousness and unconsciously worried about it that he appeared in his dreams?  
As a leader, Jaebeom always worried about each member of the group. But he felt particularly protective about Youngjae, because of their closeness and their shared mattress, and because he reminded him so much of himself in the past. All he wanted was to see him happy, singing and performing by his side. Always by his side.  
“You would tell me if something is bothering you, right?” He said, not even greeting him back.  
Youngjae blinked, then bit his lower lip, and started laughing. Jaebeom knew him enough to know that this was a nervous one.  
“You don’t even say good morning back to me? And of course, hyung.”  
Jaebeom looked at him silently, waiting for more explanation. Youngjae, realizing that the leader was satisfied with this answer, sighed.  
“I’m so excited about the comeback that I don’t sleep well these days. But it’s ok. I guess it’s normal to be a bit nervous right?” It sounded like he was reassuring himself more than anything else.  
It made sense. Jaebeom knew the kid, and how easily he was prone to doubt about himself. Jaebeom put a hand on his shoulder.  
“Don’t worry too much. Everything is gonna be alright, and I am here with you. All the members are here with you.”  
Youngjae seemed satisfied with this answer because he replied with a smile brighter than before and his face looked more relaxed. “I know, hyung, thank you.”

***

It happened again a few days later.  
The day before the comeback, Jaebeom had a hard time falling asleep. This was not comparable to how nerve-wracking their debut was, but he still felt a bit giddy. And he knew his fellow vocalist was feeling anxious, if not more than him.  
Since that strange dream featuring Youngjae, Jaebeom had only had regular dreams that he forgot as soon as he woke up. He didn’t forget that particular dream though and how strange it felt.  
So when he finally opened his eyes in his dream and felt the feeling again, he looked around immediately.  
Just like last time, there was a hall in front of him. Everything looked the same. And the singing voice in the distance was also there.  
“So, is this the same place again? Does that mean...”  
He walked across the hall, quicker than last time. His heart was beating so fast, until he held the final curtain on his way and after adapting his eyes to the light of the scene, he saw him again. Youngjae, singing with that same preoccupied expression. The venue full of puppet-looking humans. The light spot aggressively illuminating him.  
Jaebeom looked at Youngjae more attentively to spot the differences in comparison to the last time he had this dream. This time he had make-up on and he was dressing like how he was in the MV. His face looked fresh, but his facial expression was still preoccupied. His smile looked forced, and his hand was slightly trembling. He also didn’t sing as out of tune as last time, but his voice kept cracking.  
Jaebeom stood there for a minute. He glanced at the public full of motionless people and wondered why he had the same kind of dream again. It had to have a meaning, and Youngjae being in it again….  
He stopped his track of thoughts and looked at Youngjae again. Youngjae alone, struggling on stage. He was not supposed to be like that. He was not supposed to be alone.  
“Everything is gonna be alright, I am here with you.”  
It was a dream, now Jaebeom was aware of that. But even though it was a dream, he couldn’t stand it. And he didn’t want to wake up and see Youngjae so concerned again. Youngjae, who always listened to his worries and ramblings of the night, but who always tried to keep his problems to himself so he wouldn’t be a burden to him, or anyone else. Youngjae always tried to hide his true feelings behind a smile or a loud laugh, but his face never lied.  
Even though this was not real, even though this was a dream, he couldn’t stay still and do nothing. He needed to be by his side.

Jaebeom walked into the light of the stage.

Youngjae had stopped singing, and his head down, he was muttering something under his breath. Jaebeom was now close enough to hear his words. “I can’t do this.”  
“Youngjae!”  
He jerked up his head at the sound of his name. Jaebeom could see the tear at the corner of his eyes. He held his roommate’s left hand tightly in his and looked straight into his eyes. The sight of the tears at the corner of the younger’s eyes broke his heart.  
“You don’t have to do this alone.“  
Youngjae's eyes widened and blinked rapidly. He was trying to understand where Jaebeom came from. Why he was there. And why was his hand so warm?  
Youngjae was not waiting for the leader, or anyone, to come. He didn’t want to ask anyone for help. But Jaebeom was there.  
“Let me sing with you.”  
Facing the public and still holding his hand, Jaebeom started singing the pre-chorus of A as loud as he could since he didn’t have a microphone. Youngjae kept his eyes glued on Jaebeom, still processing what was happening. The public remained expressionless, and a mocking laugh still echoed in the venue. But when Jaebeom looked at him from the side, it was like all of this didn’t matter. Youngjae took a deep inspiration and started singing his line. This time, his voice was not broken, or out of tune and his smile was not as strained as before. He held Jaebeom’s hand even tighter.  
Jaebeom sang his part of the chorus right after him. He glanced at his fellow bandmate one last time; Youngjae was also looking at him, smiling sincerely, his shoulders more relaxed. When Jaebeom pronounced the last word of the chorus, everything went black.

Jaebeom woke up to the beeping sound of his alarm. When he wanted to rub his eyes and stretch, he noticed Youngjae’s hand in his. Immediately, he remembered the dream he had. How similar it was from the one he did a few days before. But this time, instead of staying hidden, he joined Youngjae on stage and they sang together.  
\- “Good morning, Jaebeom-hyung…” greeted his roommate with his sleepy voice.  
Jaebeom turned to have a look at him, searching for any sign of concern on his face. But instead, he found Youngjae’s characteristic eye smile. His bandmate kept holding his hand while facing him and Jaebeom felt a sudden wave of affection fill his chest.  
“Seems like you had a good-night sleep.”  
Youngjae nodded and squeezed the leader’s hand one last time before releasing it.  
Jaebeom thought he heard a soft “thank you” escape the younger’s lips.

***

“What does it mean when you dream of the same person often?”  
Jaebeom was sitting in the middle of the practice room, staring at the ceiling, his legs fully extended. He didn’t notice Youngjae stopped looking at his phone.  
“You know you could just search this up on the internet right? Jinyoung had always a snarky remark to throw at him.”  
Jaebeom faked an annoyed face then completely lied down on the cold floor.  
“Is this a girl?” Jackson asked in a teasing tone. Jaebeom sighed. “None of your business.”  
“Oh so it’s a girl!” he giggled while trying to guess who it was. Jaebeom was barely listening.  
Jaebeom had dreamed of the members before. Nothing surprising considering how much time he spent with them. The dreams were not really memorable, though. Nothing near as exciting as their hectic idol life, so he never paid attention to them. He didn’t even bother to store any of them in his memory. Until he started dreaming about Youngjae specifically.  
Again, dreaming of his roommate was not unexpected: they shared a mattress and clung to each other in their sleep after all. The two similar dreams he had during A era most probably reflected his concern for the younger.  
But even after the era ended and the whole stress of the comeback disappeared, he still dreamed of Youngjae about once a week, and each time, he had this strange feeling, like he was in a different universe he didn’t exactly belong to.  
After a while, he learned to recognize this feeling and became aware of his dreaming state. Whenever it happened, he knew Youngjae was somewhere and automatically looked for him. And when he found him, he would interact with him, or watch him from afar.  
“I’m pretty sure it means you miss this person.”  
“Or maybe you want to be closer to them.”  
Jaebeom was not satisfied with these answers. He saw Youngjae everyday already and they slept in the same room, he didn't have time to miss him.  
“I think you shouldn’t think about this too much, suggested Jinyoung, dreams are just dreams after all. Maybe it’s just a weird phase and you’ll stop dreaming about this person after a while.” Jinyoung shrugged.  
The other members hummed in agreement and the conversation died down. Jaebeom even forgot about it until his Youngjae addressed it when they were back in their room at night.

“So, you said you were dreaming of someone often earlier…”  
Fiddling with the hem of his shirt, the younger looked like he wanted to confess something so Jaebeom let him continue.  
“Actually I see you in my dreams often these days.” He replied in a small voice.  
Now that was not something Jaebeom expected.  
“Really? What kind of dream do you have?”  
“Usually, I’m doing my own thing, and then you suddenly appear, like you were searching for me.” He paused for a moment, apparently remembering something, and smiled sheepishly. “It’s usually nice though, nothing bad happens. Jinyoung-hyung is right, it probably doesn’t mean anything.”  
Jaebeom didn’t say a word, but many thoughts were swirling in his head: the description Youngjae gave was vague, but why did it sound so similar to what he was doing in his own dreams? Was it a coincidence that they dreamt about the same thing? Did this mean anything, really? Did they develop some kind of connection after sleeping in the same bed and spending so much time with each other? Jaebeom had never heard of anyone sharing dreams, even with their romantic partner. He wanted to ask more but his roommate started yawning and buried himself under the blanket.  
“Ok I think I’m going to sleep now, good night Hyung. See you in my dreams maybe.”  
Jaebeom wanted to ask for more details but Youngjae fell asleep the moment he closed his eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking of how similar his dreams were to Youngjae’s ones. After staring at the ceiling for way too long, he decided to grab his phone and find out if other people had the same experience as him. Most of the time, people talked about having similar dreams as their significant other, but nothing as accurate as the dreams he shared with Youngjae. After scrolling through a dream-related forum, a post caught his attention though: the author was explaining his ability to step into the dream of his lover.  
“It’s more than sharing the same dream, I can act in it and influence what happens, and interact with her. It’s like I am teleporting into her subconscious.”  
They described how strange they felt whenever they landed into their partner’s dream, and how after a while they could identify they were dreaming. The similarities were quite striking. “Dreams have become our playground. I feel lucky to spend more time with her in that way.”  
Most comments under the main post were other people sharing the same experience and little anecdotes related to their dream adventures. Jaebeom spent a good part of his night reading the threads related to this phenomenon. Some people tried to come with scientific explanations while others claimed it was a soulmate kind of thing. Jaebeom was still a bit skeptical about it: he couldn’t be sure unless Youngjae gave more details about his dream that would be too specific to be similar by chance.

The days passed and Jaebeom’s dreams were back to being dull and forgettable, so he started to think this all similar dream thing was a pure coincidence. Until one night, after recording a new song for their upcoming comeback.  
Jaebeom felt that familiar sensation in his body, like he didn’t belong in the world he was in. “So, this is happening again...and I know I’m dreaming right now”. He quickly looked around and realized he was in the middle of the town but had no idea where he was. The environment looked way too detailed and realistic for a place he had never been, but he figured that it might be a combination of a bunch of sceneries he had already seen in his life.  
He walked through the rising street, looking for a trace of Youngjae, but in vain. As he was about to give up and just wander, waiting for the dream to end, he heard a joyous laugh he could recognize even miles away.  
Youngjae was standing in front of a house, talking to two other people. When Jaebeom paid more attention, he recognized Youngjae’s parents he had seen in pictures before.  
Now was his chance to determine whether or not he was in Youngjae’s dream. He paid attention to as many details as he could, from the color of the house’s roof to the outfits Youngjae’s family members were wearing. “I should try to interact with him…”  
Jaebeom took a deep inspiration and called Youngjae’s name to catch his attention. The moment Youngjae turned around and noticed Jaebeom, the landscape changed: the street completely disappeared and they were now on a hill, with a large tree standing where Youngjae’s parents were and a view of the mountains behind the sea of buildings under their feet.  
“Jaebeom-hyung ! Youngjae greeted cheerfully while walking to him, unphased by how the environment had changed, what are you doing here?”  
“Hum...where are we?” Jaebeom asked. Maybe that was a stupid question, maybe Youngjae didn’t know himself. This could be the result of his subconscious - or Youngjae's subconscious if the hypothesis of being in his dream was true. But to his surprise, the younger’s smile broadened.  
“This is my hometown, Mokpo. And here is my favorite spot! I’m so happy I can show you !”  
Youngjae showed him the view so excitedly that Jaebeom just smiled endearingly at first, until he realized what was happening.  
He was in a place he had never been to before, and a place that was closely related to Youngjae.  
“You know, I miss my hometown so much. We are so busy I can’t visit my family. I was so surprised you came here-”  
“Do you know we are in a dream, Youngjae?”  
Youngjae raised his eyebrow and took a step back. “What do you mean?”  
“Nothing of this is real. You- I am dreaming.”  
The younger looked at him in disbelief and opened his mouth to say something, but everything around them started spiraling before Jaebeom’s vision turned black.

When Jaebeom opened his eyes, back to reality, the first thing he saw was Youngjae's sleeping face a few inches from his own. He stared at him for a moment, swamped by a sudden burst of affection. Even while shamelessly drooling over the sheets he still looked cute, he thought to himself, before remembering he had one mission: figuring out if he was really able to step into his dream. As he was about to shake Youngjae’s shoulders to wake him up, the younger slowly opened his eyes. Startled, Jaebeom quickly sat up to avoid meeting his gaze. “I should stop staring so much…”  
“Good morning, Hyung…” Youngjae whispered, still drowsy. Jaebeom didn’t waste any time: if he waited too long, Youngjae could forget every detail.  
“Do you remember your dream?”  
Youngjae’s eyes widened, caught off guard by such a random question.  
“I dreamed of you Youngjae, did you dream of me too?”  
Youngjae stayed silent.  
Jaebeom started to describe the dream he had, from the fact he was in Mokpo, to the hill they were and the exact thing Youngjae told him in the dream. As he progressed in his explanation, his roommate’s expression morphed from bewilderment to stupefaction. Everything Jaebeom described perfectly matched the dream he just had.  
“Then I asked you if-”  
“If I knew we were in a dream.”  
Still in their bed but very much awake now, they looked at each other in silence. Jaebeom was certain now. He took a deep breath.

“Youngjae, I think I’m able to step into your dreams.”  
Youngjae blinked rapidly, not sure he understood what his roommate was saying.  
“Huh...hyung, are you ok? Did you get enough sleep?”  
“Yes. I’m very serious. Look.”  
Jaebeom showed him everything he found about the ability to jump into someone’s dream, and his conversation with other people experiencing the same thing.  
“Apparently, some people can enter the dream of a person they are really close to. Usually, it’s their lover or significant other.”  
“What?? Youngjae’s voice was too loud for this early hour. Hyung….we- but we are not- “  
“Maybe because we share the same bed ?” he continued, ignoring Youngjae panicking next to him.  
Jaebeom didn’t have any other explanation. His ability to jump into his roommate’s dream was a fact. It could not be a coincidence with how accurate the dreams were, and how he could visit places he had never seen in his life before.  
“And so you’ve been able to jump into my dream….and only mine?” Jaebeom nodded.  
He barely dreamt of anyone else so he was rather positive that Youngjae was the only one to have this privilege.  
“Well, I guess this confirms I am your favorite.” Youngjae cackled and Jaebeom rolled his eyes, even though he did not deny it.  
The younger didn’t seem so disturbed by this revelation. His eyes were even sparkling with what looked like excitement.  
“It’s like you have a superpower or something. It’s so cool! I wish I could also go in your dreams like that.”  
“Oh trust me, your dreams are way more exciting than mine.”  
“So even your dreams are no fun, Hyung. How sad.”  
Jaebeom pretended to sulk for a moment until they both broke into laughter.  
“Do you think you’ll be able to step into my dreams for a long time? Is this supposed to stop at some point?”  
According to the threads he read, the ability to go into one particular person’s dream could disappear if their bond weakened, which was rather unlikely with how much time they spent together.  
“Yes, but I don’t think it’s gonna stop any time soon for us.”

***

As he expected, it happened again and again. The frequency varied, depending on how much sleep they had: their schedule had become more hectic recently, and they barely had any sleep at times, which didn’t allow them to dream much.  
Youngjae’s dreams were usually set in a slightly altered real-life setting, but they sometimes happened in more surprising places: inside a spaceship, in the depth of the ocean, in a futuristic world, and other exotic places Jaebeom could have never imagined himself.  
He was quite impressed by the creativity of the younger, even though he had no control over all of that. For Jaebeom, it felt like jumping into different worlds of a video game with always the same mission: to find Youngjae.  
This time, he was trapped in what looked like a hedge maze. Like always, his gut feeling indicated that he was in his roommate’s dream. “Youngjae?? Where are you?”  
Jaebeom ran through the maze and kept calling him, but he was nowhere to be seen. Where was he? Even though he knew he was in a dream, he still didn’t like the idea of losing him. His instinct told him to find him and be by his side, he couldn’t help it.  
He sat in the middle of the maze and sighed. As he tilted his head back, he spotted a human form floating above the hedge behind him, leaning forward above his head.  
“Ah! I finally found you!” Jaebeom exhaled in relief. “Wait, how are you levitating?”  
Youngjae grinned and came down in an elegant jump. As soon as his feet touched the ground, he started laughing.  
“I can’t believe you ran through this whole maze. You know, even if you don't find me it's ok, I won't disappear! It’s just a dream after all.”  
Like Jaebeom knew each time that he was dreaming after a while, Youngjae started to be conscious of his dream too. Since they were both aware of it, it made the whole experience more fun: they knew that even the strangest thing happening wasn't real, and just like the netizen wrote in his post, the dream became their playground.  
“Don’t mock me for keeping my leader's instinct.” Jaebeom pouted.  
Youngjae sat down and got close to the point their knees touched. The moment he looked up the sky, all the clouds dissipated to let the sun shine, its rays now gently bathing the two of them.  
“You know, these dreams with you are so fun. It’s like we spend extra time together, I like that. And I know I don’t have to worry about anything in these moments.” Youngjae beamed. Jaebeom scoffed.  
“Aren’t you tired of seeing me this often?”  
Youngjae shook his head.  
“I would never.”

When he woke up and saw that Youngjae still had a bright smile on his face as he said good morning, he knew he wanted to do everything to see him happy for a long time.

***

The group had started their third year together, and the company had big plans for them: a comeback in March which marked the start of the Flight log trilogy and most importantly, their first world tour. Suffice to say that the members were eager to show the fans more sides of them and to finally perform in front of their international fans.  
But before they could prepare for both events and cross the ocean, they still had their Japan tour to complete.  
After their first performance in Sapporo, the members went back to their hotel room, ready for a good-night sleep. Even overseas, their room arrangement remained the same as the dorms.  
“Good night Youngjae.” Jaebeom murmured before turning off the lights.  
Youngjae’s “Good night, Hyung” was muffled by the sheets he was already buried in.

But none of them were able to sleep, turning over in their bed. After a few minutes, and noticing how the younger was not able to sleep, Jaebeom had an idea. He stood up and turned on the lights.  
“Youngjae, let’s write a song.” He turned to his roommate, anticipating his answer.  
They already knew they had to write one to submit as their unit song for their future tour, but Youngjae didn’t expect that they would be writing it in a hotel room. That didn’t mean he was against the idea, on the contrary. After meeting the fans and seeing the mountain scenery of Hokkaido, he felt rather inspired. He nodded and jumped out of his bed to grab the notebook he used to write down his song ideas.  
“So, any ideas?” Youngjae asked, his eyes staring at the empty page.  
Youngjae had always been cute. His mannerisms, his facial expressions, everything was absolutely adorable. But when he was focused on music, his attitude changed: Jaebeom was often surprised by the seriousness of his face, and how immersed he could be. Jaebeom always admired his passion and was thankful to sing and perform with someone like him. Now he was curious to know how working with him on a song will turn out.  
“I was thinking of an emotional ballad with piano in the background. It would be comforting for the fans.”

Youngjae agreed, so they started exchanging their ideas on the lyrics and used a virtual keyboard app to define the melody. Everything went more smoothly than Jaebeom expected. They were basically on the same wavelength, rarely disagreeing on anything.  
All the feelings they wanted to transmit combined and turned into emotional lyrics.  
“You have to stay well, don’t even get sick, the way you smile, don’t ever lose that” Jaebeom hummed, with a melody he made up from the successions of chords Youngjae suggested and the lyrics they just came up with.  
“What do you think?” He asked with a smile that Youngjae instantly mirrored.  
“Sounds good to me.”

After a few hours, the song started to come together: they already had the chords written down, even the melody was stuck in their head, and Youngjae had a whole page of lyrics now filled in his notebook. There was only one important thing left: the title. Although they managed to write a song together with relative ease, finding the right title was not an easy task. And they were starting to feel sleepy, Youngjae’s yawn frequency attested it.  
“Look, it’s 1:31 am already…” Youngjae remarked, showing the screen of his phone to Jaebeom who also struggled to stay awake.  
Jaebeom repeated 1:31 am to himself, and he voiced the first idea that came to his drowsy mind.  
“What if we use 1:31 am as the title?”  
Though it didn't sound particularly poetic, it would actually be meaningful: reminding them of this particular night, in this hotel room in Japan, when they first wrote a song together that they hoped would bring comfort to the fans. It symbolized this unplanned moment they shared. Youngjae nodded and despite the fatigue, smiled to the point his eyes crinkled.  
“Let’s go for 1:31 am then.”

When they came back to Seoul and had to prepare for their tour, they finalized all the details of the song, recorded a studio version, and practiced many times, their soul-stirring voice echoing through in the building.

“So, you already visited my dream, when I dreamed of performing in front of a faceless audience?” Youngjae asked when they were alone in the only practice room of the JYP building with a piano in it. Jaebeom nodded, remembering this dream clearly like it didn’t happen two years ago already.  
“I can’t wait to perform this song with you for our first concert.” Youngjae held his hand and gave him the brightest smile. Jaebeom’s favorite smile, the one he would protect at any cost.  
“I look forward to it too.”

But this moment didn’t happen. It was confirmed: Jaebeom would not attend their first concert in Seoul. After a check at the hospital, he got diagnosed with spinal disc herniation, a type of back injury, and needed to rest for at least a month.  
While he was trying his best to recover, sleeping alone in a better bed to be as comfortable as possible, he mostly had dreamless nights. Except for the night before the concert. And, as if the universe knew he needed to, he stepped into Youngjae’s dream.  
This time, the environment was not as lively and colorful as usual. Jaebeom was facing a long corridor with many closed doors. The light on the ceiling kept blinking, and the red carpet at his feet was covered with dust. The dark atmosphere reminded him of the dreams of A era, when he found Youngjae singing alone on stage.  
He opened each door, hoping to find Youngjae. It was only when he pushed the last door on the right side that he found him seated in front of a grand piano, playing a song along with the loud, regular tick of a metronome. But the sound was distorted and out of tune.  
Youngjae stopped playing when he noticed Jaebeom. He looked relieved to see him. Was he waiting for him?  
“Hey. You found me.” He smiled slightly.  
Jaebeom didn’t miss the pained expression hidden behind his friend’s smile.  
“I am sorry I can’t be there with you Youngjae.”  
Youngjae shook his head, stood up, and took Jaebeom’s hands in his.  
“It’s ok, Hyung. I just hope you can recover very soon. Promise me to take care of yourself.“  
Jaebeom was not used to the younger worrying about him, it was usually the other way around. Youngjae’s concerned look toward him made his heart skip a beat. He murmured a “Yes, I promise.” before the dream ended abruptly. Jaebeom woke up, Youngjae’s worried expression engraved in his brain.  
This concert was supposed to be special for them: it was their first concert in Seoul, for their first world tour, and they had to perform many songs for the first time. They prepared every stage diligently, practiced many hours for everything to be perfect, but Jaebeom hurt his back and no matter how the members said it was not his fault, he couldn’t help but feel frustrated and blame himself for letting them down, especially as a leader.  
Jaebeom was frustrated, but he was not worried: he knew his members would do well, even without him.  
He sent an encouraging message in the group chat, but also took the time to send a private message to Youngjae. “I’m sure you will do well, Youngjae.” Jaebeom had no doubt that the main vocalist could carry the unit performance by himself and bring comfort to the fans through his powerful voice.

Even though he trusted Youngjae, it didn't stop him from being curious about the performance. So late at night, hours after the concert was over, Jaebeom searched for a fancam of 1:31 am in case a fansite had already uploaded one. He was surprised to find many and in high quality. "Man, these fansites work quicker than the JYP staff."  
As Jaebeom predicted, Youngjae nailed the performance, hitting all the notes perfectly, and singing with the right amount of emotion. Jaebeom was overflowed with pride and affection. But when he saw him burst into tears at the end, he only wanted to jump into the screen, just like he jumped into his dream, to wipe his tears and hug him tight.

That night, Jaebeom went into Youngjae’s dream again. This was the first time it happened two nights in a row.

He was in the middle of nowhere, in an empty, cold, and quiet place. The immaculate, white floor looked like it was made of glass, but above him, there was the infinite, night sky.  
He quickly spotted Youngjae in the distance, who was sitting on a bench. Jaebeom seated next to him and stared at Youngjae’s beautiful side profile for a few seconds before speaking.

“Hey.”  
“Hey, how is your back?”  
“Still hurting, but it doesn’t hurt in the dream, thankfully.” Jaebeom paused for a moment. “I saw a video of your performance of 1:31 am, you did so well.”  
Youngjae's eyes widened and he hid his face behind one of his hands. “Aaah, this is embarrassing…”. Jaebeom patted his back to comfort him, telling him it’s okay to cry, and that it showed he was fully immersed in the song.  
“I was so nervous about performing without you, and the whole situation was so sad, I couldn't hold back my tears. Seeing that empty chair...it made everything more dramatic.” Youngjae laughed in the middle of his rambling. Jaebeom only looked at him with a soft gaze, while unconsciously stroking his back.  
“Please recover quickly so we can finally sing this song together, okay?” Youngjae finally turned his head to look into Jaebeom’s eyes, showing his seriousness.  
Jaebeom nodded, and they stayed there in silence, looking at the sky until the world they were in faded, and the dream ended.

***

After they finished the American part of their world tour, the company announced that there would be an encore concert in Seoul. Although already exhausted from all the successive concerts, the group was happy to meet the fans again, and this time, with their leader fully reestablished.  
It also meant they could finally perform 1:31 am together in front of the Korean audience, just as it was initially planned.

The concert went great, and the fans were cheerful, happy to finally see the leader on stage with the other members. When it was time for the 1:31 am performance, Jaebeom did his best to express the emotions he wanted to express through his voice. While singing, Jaebeom thought of many things to put him in the right mood for the song, but somehow, Youngjae kept appearing in his mind.  
He thought of that time in America, when he woke up to a feverish, whining Youngjae, drenched in cold sweat, and how he was rushed to the hospital. But aside from this episode, knowing that his singing partner was worried to the point of crying during the first concert also hurt. The lyrics of 1:31 am suddenly became even more meaningful.  
Jaebeom was not looking at his partner on stage, but he could hear his touching voice. The lyrics of the chorus kept replaying in his head, and his emotions built up until he could not hold it anymore, and he broke into tears, not even able to sing the last line.  
As he covered his head with his hoodie to hide his face from the fans, he could also hear Youngjae sniffle behind him.  
The lights went out, and they had to leave to prepare for the next performance. They hastily left the stage and didn’t have much time to process what happened. The rest of the concert went well, and they finished the concert happily.

Jaebeom shared a car with Youngjae and a manager on their way back home. His roommate was obviously worn out by the concert they just had, but his face had this typical glow of someone tired but content.  
Youngjae put his hand in Jaebeom’s hand and interlaced their fingers. It was so natural and so warm, and their hands perfectly fit together. They had always been.  
“I’m so happy we could finally sing it together on stage.” Youngjae was smiling, but his eyes were getting wet again, Jaebeom noticed. He replied with a soft “me too” and smiled gently.  
They let a soothing, comforting silence settle in the car. Both of them dozed off, still holding each other’s hand until the end of the ride.

***

To Jaebeom’s dismay, Youngjae could not be his roommate anymore.  
The room they occupied was suffocating without the aircon, especially during the summer. Youngjae often had trouble sleeping, so he ended up sleeping in Mark’s room while Jaebeom roomed either alone or with Jackson. Not that he didn’t enjoy Jackson’s company - the kid was fun to be around - but he missed the proximity he had with Youngjae sleeping right next to him.

So whenever Jaebeom had the chance to land in Youngjae’s dream, he could not dissimulate his joy - and his clinginess.

“I miss you...when are you coming back to my room?” Jaebeom whined like a spoiled child, hugging Youngjae who was laying down next to him in a vast meadow.  
“Hyung, I love you but you know I can't stand the heat. It's not against you.”  
“Oh? So you love me? Is this a confession?” teased Jaebeom.  
Youngjae hit him in the chest and laughed so loudly that the sparrows walking around flew away.  
“Then I'll just keep holding you so you can't escape until we wake up.”  
“You're so clingy, hyung. We still see each other almost everyday…”  
“Yes, but I miss my teddy bear.”  
Youngjae laughed again but let himself be held and relaxed a bit. Jaebeom could stay like this forever, snuggled against him. It felt so familiar and cozy. He closed his eyes, and they stayed into each other's arms like this, in a comfortable silence, until the dream ended.

***

“Good morning Jinyoung-hyung, Jaebeom-hyung.”  
Jaebeom immediately looked up from his phone when he recognized the voice, and made eye contact with him, smiling widely. Youngjae laughed knowingly. Last night, Jaebeom visited Youngjae’s dream again, and this time Coco had become as big as the JYP building. They ran after her to try to stop her from destroying everything on her way. She eventually got back to her normal size when Youngjae brought her favorite snack (that he stole from the store because of the emergency, by the way. Youngjae felt bad about it. Just a little.)  
Jinyoung, who had looked at the both of them silently, raised his eyebrows at the way Jaebeom’s gaze followed Youngjae until he disappeared in the kitchen.  
“You guys look so close these days.” Jinyoung remarked while sipping on his coffee.  
“Really?”  
“You seem to have a lot of inside jokes...and I don’t know, you have...there is a kind of vibe around you when you interact.”  
“Wait, are you jealous?” Jaebeom was not actually serious, but Jinyoung almost choked on his coffee.  
“Of course not,” he scoffed, “I’m rather happy.”  
Jinyoung put the now empty mug on the table and stood up. “I’m happy to see you guys happy.” He smiled suspiciously, before heading to his room. Jaebeom massaged his neck, wondering what exactly Jinyoung meant, but he just shrugged it off.

***

Jaebeom was quite reserved when it came to skinship, both on camera and in private. He absolutely adored his members, but physical touch as a love language was definitely not his thing. But Youngjae had always been the exception: not only was he comfortable with him, he actually asked for more physical contact when it came to him, even initiated it.  
So when he saw Youngjae’s bright smile in front of the sunset during another of his dream trips, he did the first thing he thought about and took him in his arms. Youngjae froze, taken off guard by this sudden gesture. Jaebeom didn’t seem to notice as he put his head on his shoulder.

“You're so soft…” he murmured, I feel like I could fall asleep just like that.  
“You're already asleep, what are you talking about?”  
“I wish you were next to me when I wake up....”  
“Oh god why are you so sappy ???”  
Jaebeom nuzzled in Youngjae’s shoulder while humming. “You don’t like it?”  
“....”  
Youngjae stayed silent, then escaped Jaebeom’s embrace and turned his back to him. The sun suddenly set at an abnormal speed, like they were in some accelerated video scene. The sky got completely black and the moon had replaced the sun, its light reflecting on the lake in front of them. As Youngjae looked up, one shooting star crossed the sky. He finally decided to speak.  
“Hyung, do you want to know?”  
“Huh?”  
Youngjae turned around but Jaebeom couldn’t decipher his expression because of the darkness.  
“Do you want to know my wish?”  
And at these words, everything went black.

Jaebeom’s mind was foggy when he finally woke up. He looked next to him, but no one was there. Youngjae was not there, but his last words still resonated in his head.  
_“Do you want to know my wish?”_  
What was that supposed to mean? Was he supposed to be able to guess? Maybe he had to address this question later, Jaebeom noted.  
But as the day got busy, he completely forgot about it.

***

  
“So imagine we are women. Who would you choose to date?” read Yugyeom on his cue card.  
Jaebeom almost sighed at this question. They were in the middle of Never ever promotion, filming for a video called “Ask in the box”, where each member had to answer fan’s questions. This one was quite recurrent and it was always such a pain to answer. Besides, thinking of the members as girls was completely ridiculous. Jaebeom didn’t want to think too much about it so he just replied “Mark, because he’s quiet.” and gave an explanation that he hoped was at least funny enough. He didn’t notice how disappointed Youngjae looked, sitting at the end of the table.  
They finished the filming and could finally go back to their dorm before heading to another schedule.  
“You know, I thought you’d choose Youngjae, not me.”  
It took Jaebeom a few minutes to get what Mark was referring to. Now, why was he talking about this like it was important? And why did he sound like this bothered him?  
“Why does it matter? You know how many times we’ve got this kind of question. It’s not that serious.”  
Mark sighed, which made Jaebeom feel even more confused.  
“I don’t know man, I’m thinking about Youngjae’s feelings here.”  
Jaebeom definitely didn’t like how vague Mark was talking, but he mostly didn’t like how Mark implied he knew something about Youngjae he didn’t. Since Mark and Youngjae shared a room together, it was no surprise that the both of them became closer. Jaebeom had seen it with his own eyes, how Youngjae spent a lot of time in Mark’s company. He also knew they played video games together late at night, and probably had a lot of conversations together. Mark was the one to comfort him if he had any worries at night. He was the one who was there. Just like Jaebeom used to be in the past.  
Jaebeom knew he was supposed to be happy that Youngjae had someone else to rely on, but he could not ignore the pang of jealousy he felt. When they moved out to their old dorm and Youngjae didn’t ask to come back with him, it bothered him more than it should. But Jaebeom always comforted himself thinking that, at least, they still had the dreams they shared. At least, they still had something special together.  
“What do you mean?” Jaebeom asked, already irritated by this conversation.  
Mark shrugged, his eyes glued to his phone. From where he was, Jaebeom could not see if he was playing a game or typing something.  
“Forget what I said, you’re right, it’s not that serious. I just thought you’d choose him because of how close you are with him.”  
Jaebeom still had no idea what he implied earlier, but he didn’t think about it any further. Instead, he felt a certain reassurance to hear this from Mark himself. The bond he had with Youngjae was still there, he didn’t need to worry about that.

***

It was one of these dreams set in an imaginary world, in which the sky was in a lavender color, the clouds looked like cotton candies and Jaebeom had to jump from one to another to move. Birds in pastel green were following as he moved. After walking for a while, trying not to fall from any cloud, he finally spotted Youngjae, who was sitting cross-legged, singing to one of the green birds.  
“I finally found you!”  
Youngjae raised his head a moment, then focused his attention on the bird again. Jaebeom jumped on his cloud to join him.  
“Do you think the clouds taste like cotton candy too?” Jaebeom asked excitedly. “I kinda want to try.” He extended his arm to grab a big piece of fluffy cloud, cut it in half, and handed one to Youngjae. “Want some?”  
Youngjae silently took the piece of cotton candy and stared at it blankly.  
“So why are you always looking for me when you get into my dream?” Youngjae blurted out.  
Jaebeom blinked in confusion.  
“Isn’t it obvious to look for you?”  
“I don’t know, maybe you could explore the world a bit. You said your own dreams are bland. You could have fun and live your own story in my dream…”  
“What’s the point really to be in a place where you are if I can’t be with you?”  
“…”  
Jaebeom thought he was sweet, he didn’t expect Youngjae to frown at these words. The younger shook his head.  
“Hyung, please stop this already.”  
“Huh?”  
“Don’t say such things if you don’t really mean them.”  
Jaebeom was confused. Of course he meant what he said. Sure, Jaebeom could be overly sentimental at times, but he would never lie about these feelings. Whenever he realized he was in Youngjae’s dream, the only thing he wanted to do was to join him and be by his side. To help him with whatever he faced in his adventurous ones, or just be next to him, talk to him, hear him laugh, feel him and his warmth-  
“If you mean them, do something, and not only in my dream.“  
Youngjae's tone was too dry, Jaebeom didn’t like that. He had a bad feeling about this. He woke up before even tasting the cotton candy cloud, but this didn’t even matter as he could only remember Youngjae’s words.

***

  
Youngjae suddenly announced he would move out of the dorm and live with his brother.  
“Wow, you can’t stand us anymore I see.” Jackson faked being offended.  
“Well, you’re not wrong, I love you guys but I think I’m getting tired of constantly seeing your faces.” Youngjae laughed playfully but accidentally made eye contact with Jaebeom who was observing them on the side. But when Jaebeom wanted to say something, Youngjae looked away, focusing on what the other members were saying and laughing at their remarks.  
Was he really mad at him? What did he do? Many questions were swirling in Jaebeom’s head. He approached Youngjae when the other members were away to try and get some answers.  
“So, you really got tired of seeing me all the time after all.”  
“Maybe.” Youngjae bit his lower lip and avoided his gaze again. Then he turned around and walked away, obviously not willing to continue this conversation. Now Jaebeom was starting to feel hurt.  
Jaebeom tried to remember everything that had happened in the past few days. He thought of the last time he visited Youngjae’s dreams and his sharp tone. “If you mean them, do something.” Youngjae wanted him to do something, but what exactly? Jaebeom hated the lack of communication they had, and now that Youngjae was moving out, it meant they had less opportunities to talk privately.  
He tried to reach out to him via text, but Youngjae always left him on read or replied with excuses or answers that didn’t lead to anything else to discuss. He never picked up the phone either.  
Jaebeom didn’t want to push him way too much, he knew Youngjae didn’t like when someone was too insistent. If he gave him some space, maybe he would come back to him by himself and open up. But Jaebeom also felt miserable about this situation. Especially since it had been a while since he had stepped into his dream.  
To ignore his frustration, Jaebeom kept himself busy by writing songs. Youngjae subtly avoiding him made his heart ache. Youngjae wasn’t completely ignoring him when they were all together with the group, but he definitely acted way colder than before, always finding excuses to not stay alone with him for too long.  
So Jaebeom tried to distract himself, even brought back his cats to the dorm to have a bit of comfort now that he had a room to himself, but he could never get Youngjae completely out of his head. If he was avoiding him, it probably meant that he was hurt by something he did, and this only thought made him angry at himself. If only Youngjae would talk to him...if only he could step into his dream again. Has their bond become so weak that he could not step into his dream anymore? Jaebeom shook his head. He needed to get a grip and think of the group. Work on himself. And write more songs. He could channel his sadness and frustration into something productive, at least.

While he was browsing through his music folder to find some inspiration one night, he came across the first version of 1:31 am they recorded quietly in their hotel room. Listening to it brought back many fond memories. How they improvised the writing of the song that night in a Japanese hotel room. How easily they came up with the song. How they finally sang it together in front of a Korean audience for the first time, and how emotional they got that they both started crying.  
Jaebeom teared up, reminiscing about these days. He could not believe that what they had was over. But what did they have exactly? Jaebeom had a lot of affection for all the members, but Youngjae had always been special to him. Jaebeom had always been drawn to him and his bright smile, contagious laugh. He had always wanted to help him, support him, comfort him, make him happy. Youngjae was too precious, way too precious to him to lose. Too precious to him to let them drift apart. He had to do something, but what?

Before he could figure anything out, he fell asleep out of exhaustion, the recording of 1:31 am still playing in his ears.

Jaebeom had a dream that night. He immediately felt that something was off. “Is it happening again?” Jaebeom thought he would cry: being able to step into Youngjae’s dream again made him feel hopeful that the connection they had wasn’t completely lost.  
He looked around and recognized the entrance to the old JYP building. He didn’t lose any time and went through the doors, climbed the stairs, and arrived at their floor, the one of their old dorms. He rushed inside, hoping that the dream won’t end too quickly. He needed to find him. Like always, whenever he was in his dreams, he wanted to run to him. But this time, even more than usual.  
As he walked toward the kitchen, he heard the sound of a distant voice. Someone was singing. His stomach dropped: he knew who it was. “He’s there.” The sound was coming from one of the rooms, and not just any room: the one without a functional air conditioner, the one with only one mattress. The one they used to share back then.  
Jaebeom pressed the doorknob and opened the door. What he saw was not their old room, but a scene, and Youngjae, standing in the middle of it, his back facing him, shining under a light spot, in front of an empty venue this time. As usual, he was singing passionately, and Jaebeom immediately recognized the song.

_“I am always drowned in the thoughts of you_  
_I get exhausted from crying_  
_But I look for traces of you again”_

“Aren’t these my lines?” Jaebeom asked in a loud, but calm voice, so Youngjae could hear him.  
Youngjae turned around, and his expression remained neutral but several light spots turned on at the same time and illuminated him even more.  
“I can’t escape from you, can I? You always find your way to me.”  
“So you are really avoiding me.”  
Youngjae closed his eyes and frowned, considering what to say or what to do. He had been avoiding Jaebeom for his own good, but now that he was in front of him to confront him, he could not just ignore him.  
Youngjae sighed, and walked in front of him, still trying to avoid looking into the leader’s eyes.  
“Do you want to know why I am mad at you?”  
Youngjae grabbed Jaebeom’s wrist, took a deep breath, and put his hand on his own chest. Jaebeom felt the warmth of his body, but also his erratic heartbeat. He was pretty sure that his own heartbeat was accelerating too.  
“Can you feel my heartbeat right now?”  
Jaebeom nodded, not able to form any word.  
“This is all because of you. We are in a dream, but my feelings are real. When I wake up, I still feel them. So take responsibility.”

“His feelings?” Jaebeom’s heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he couldn’t focus on Youngjae’s heartbeat anymore. He looked straight into Youngjae’s eyes, finally managing to have eye contact with him. They stayed like this for a moment until Youngjae frowned and clicked his tongue.  
“Why do you always have to look at me like this. Like I…Like you….”  
Youngjae looked frustrated. He bit his lower lip and abruptly threw Jaebeom’s hand away from his chest while lowering his head.  
“Nevermind…I wish I could wake up now…” Youngjae squeezed his eyes shut, waiting for the dream to end by itself.  
He could brush this off when they would wake up. Dive himself into practice and songwriting in order to forget about this even faster-  
“I love you.”  
Youngjae froze. He cautiously looked up. Jaebeom was still standing there in front of him, the softness of his facial expression contrasting with his serious stance. Jaebeom had so many question marks the past few days, wondering what he had missed, why things ended up as they did, why Youngjae distanced himself as he did, and why he felt so agitated away from him. But seeing Youngjae in front of him again, and feeling his own heartbeat become so chaotic, he was finally sure of one thing.  
“I look at you this way because I love you, Youngjae. I’m in love with you.” Jaebeom realized as he was speaking.  
It was like he had discovered the secret to the universe. Everything made so much sense now. He loved Youngjae. Why did it take so long for him to realize it? Despite how much he constantly yearned for his touch, how much he always wanted him by his side? When Youngjae was not there, he always had the urge to find him. Because a world without him, even an imaginary one, didn’t make any sense to him.  
This time, Youngjae was the speechless one. He just stared at Jaebeom with wide eyes and took a step back. After a while, he finally spoke up.  
“I am dreaming right, this isn’t real right?” His voice was slightly shaking.  
“Yes you are,” Jaebeom said while slowly getting closer “but what I feel is also real. That’s what I feel when I wake up, and I see you in real life. I love you.”  
Youngjae avoided eye contact and was frowning, but the blush on his cheeks and the smile he could not contain betrayed him. Jaebeom was now right in front of him again. Youngjae clutched the other’s sleeve and hid his face in the other’s shoulder.  
“I love you too, idiot. So much.” Jaebeom could feel the heat radiating from his face, and see his ears turning red. He felt overwhelmed, but finally happy to put a name on what he had always felt.  
Jaebeom swallowed, feeling short of breath, his heart throbbing like it wanted to escape from his chest.  
“Can...I kiss you?” Youngjae’s whisper was almost inaudible, but nothing had ever sounded clearer in his life. Jaebeom breathed a soft “yes” and closed his eyes.  
When Youngjae put his arms on his shoulders and their lips touched, nothing had ever felt more right for Jaebeom. His heart was still beating so hard, but the only thing he could feel was Youngjae’s soft lips on his. And how Youngjae’s fingers were lightly caressing the base of his neck. Jaebeom held Youngjae’s waist and made him come closer. He tilted his head for a better angle, and let himself melt into the kiss. They broke the kiss momentarily, not even looking into each other eyes. And then they kissed again. And again. Like that was the only thing that mattered at that moment, making up for all the time they lost. They stopped when they were both out of breath, and Youngjae giggled, then finally met Jaebeom’s eyes again. His eyes were glistening and his cheeks still pink.

“I don’t think I want to wake up anymore....”

But they woke up, and Jaebeom’s bed felt so cold next to him, without the one he loved by his side.

***

  
“Jaebeomie, can you pass me the soy sauce?”  
The group was eating together at a Korean barbecue to finally celebrate Jaebeom’s first title track, You are. This was such a huge achievement, after submitting so many songs to the company and getting rejected so many times.  
“Hold on, Youngjae dropped the “hyung” and you didn’t bat an eye?” Jinyoung squinted suspiciously, “why is he so privileged? You used to be so strict about the hyung thing.”  
“He has always been more loose with Youngjae though.” Bambam noted, his mouth still full of noodles.  
“That’s because he never crosses the line like you, Bamie....”  
Jaebeom and Youngjae exchanged knowing glances and felt relieved when the conversation naturally diverted into something else.  
They had both agreed to keep the nature of their relationship as a secret from the members to avoid disturbing the group’s dynamic, at least for the moment. Everyone needed to focus on their upcoming comeback after all. Besides, it was also risky to date outside in case some people recognized them. With how packed their schedule was, they barely had time to spend together alone. But thankfully, they still had dreams.

So whenever Jaebeom opened his eyes in Youngjae’s dream, all he wanted to do was to join him, this didn’t change. But now, whenever he found him, he kissed him not knowing when the dream would stop. He kissed him like the world would end at any moment. He wanted to lose himself in his warmth, to feel the sound of his heart directly against his own chest.  
They kissed no matter what happened around them and no matter where they were. In an apocalyptic world, where everything was falling apart, when they were lost in space, in an empty forest, in the middle of the sea, flying in the sky. No matter the dream, Jaebeom always found him and took him in his arms.

But dreams were still dreams, and everything eventually became blurry, all the details got lost with time, faster than any memory formed in real life. They had shared so many dreams in the past, and most of them only a faint memory. Even though the most memorable ones were never forgotten, many of them started fading or merged with other ones in their head.  
But to Jaebeom, everything was going well. They loved each other, they spent time together in the dreams without worrying about being caught. And since Youngjae’s dreams could sometimes be exciting, they also had a lot of fun. Last time, they even had an amusement park by themselves, although they were pursued by a scary-looking clown at the end.  
Jaebeom was content with what they had for the moment. As long as he could be by Youngjae’s side, he was happy. And he thought Youngjae was happy too, kissing and holding him willingly, laughing at all the adventures they were living.  
That was what he convinced himself, until one day, or rather one night, when he visited Youngjae’s dream again.  
The rain was pouring so hard and the street he was in was so crowded his field of vision was not the best, but he still found Youngjae easily: he was standing in the middle of a crosswalk, under a yellow umbrella. “Hey. I found you.” Jaebeom said while taking his free hand in his, showing his warmest smile. Youngjae smiled back at him, and Jaebeom leaned forward to steal him a kiss.

But to Jaebeom’s surprise, Youngjae broke the kiss and pushed him back.  
“Jaebeom….I don't think this is gonna work.” He shook his head.  
Jaebeom’s stomach dropped. Youngjae sighed in annoyance, seeing Jaebeom’s confused expression.  
“I don't know what's real or not real anymore...it's messing with my head. I think we should stop this.”  
“W-what do you mean?”  
The dream abruptly ended, and Jaebeom woke up in sweat. He looked at his phone screen: it was only past midnight. He groaned and took his head in his hand, remembering Youngjae’s words again.  
Jaebeom thought he expressed his feelings clearly and showed his love and affection for Youngjae enough. But apparently, this was not enough. He was lost, and frustrated. Feeling like he was back to square one, back to before they made up and confessed to each other.  
Jaebeom was so upset that he was unable to think straight. He decided to get out of his room and to drink a glass of water.  
He was heading to the kitchen but, he was surprised to see Jinyoung sitting on the sofa of the living room, reading his book.  
“What are you doing here?”  
Jaebeom didn’t realize how pissed he sounded until Jinyoung looked up, suddenly not interested in his book anymore.  
“I prefer to read here, the light is stronger. But what’s up with you, why are you so grumpy?”  
Jaebeom just said “Nothing, I’m tired”, hoping Jinyoung would drop it, and crossed the living room without any other word, ignoring Jinyoung’s inquisitive eyes on him.  
“It’s Youngjae, right?”  
Jaebeom stopped and turned around to look straight at Jinyoung. He knew his friend would not let him go away with it this easily. There was no point in hiding it anymore, and maybe talking to someone would help him figure things out. He sighed.  
“How did you guess?”  
“You think I’m blind? You are clearly underestimating me. No matter how much you hide it, everything is written on your face. I don’t understand why you guys keep it from us. Also…”  
“Also?”  
“How do you even see each other? When we are together you barely interact. It’s like you’re less close but at the same time you are like….so obviously longing for each other. I can feel the tension between you guys even miles away. Did one of you confess and things got awkward or something?”  
Jaebeom’s eyes widened, trying to process Jinyoung’s analysis. Jinyoung was a perceptive, quite intuitive guy so it didn’t surprise him that he figured out his feelings for Youngjae. He probably knew about it even before Jaebeom realized them himself. But he had never realized that this was how they looked in real life. That they looked less close than before.  
They were hiding their relationship, but Jaebeom didn’t actively stay away from Youngjae to avoid suspicions. He thought he acted normal, when in reality, Youngjae was still away from the dorm. They mostly interacted with each other when they were with the group. He was still spending less time with him, _in real life_.  
_“If you mean them, do something, and not only in my dream.“_  
This dream happened a few months ago already, and he had started to forget about its details, but Youngjae’s saying that with such an annoyed, disappointed expression came into his mind again like a flash.  
_“I don't know what's real or not real anymore.”_

Jaebeom felt like someone was punching him in the guts. He had been such an idiot.  
Youngjae said he didn’t know what was real or not real, but perhaps Jaebeom didn’t know either: he kept merging dream and reality, considering the dream world as real life, when it was in fact, still a product of Youngjae’s imagination. And even though their feelings were real, their interactions and everything else felt real, they were still just dreaming. Dreams that happened unpredictably, and that would eventually fade out without a trace, fleeting memories with nothing tangible left. Jaebeom was so overjoyed when he knew his feelings were mutual, and felt so comfortable showing his affection where no one else could see them, that he forgot this really important thing. Being together in their dreams was not enough: he needed to show his true feelings in real life. He had to share moments and make memories in the real world. That was what Youngjae had been trying to tell him all this time. How could he be certain Jaebeom loved him and was there for him if he could only kiss him in his mind? If everything had been like an illusion, even if Jaebeom assured his feelings were the same when he woke up?

Jaebeom had been staring blankly at an empty wall for too long now, Jinyoung started to feel concerned. “Hello, earth to Jaebeom? Did I break you?”  
“I need to go somewhere.”  
“Wait, what-  
Jaebeom ignored his friend calling for him and grabbed a coat, and his wallet. Maybe what he was doing was stupid, but he had done enough damage, he wanted to act quickly before it was too late.  
He called a taxi and while he was waiting, looked up the address. The apartment was quite far, but he could be there in less than 10 minutes by car.  
Jaebeom could not see either the stars or the moon in the sky, hidden by the clouds, and the air felt heavy. As he predicted, it started raining.  
He finally got in after what felt like too long, but they got stuck in a traffic jam caused by an accident in the middle of the ride. Jaebeom kept locking and unlocking his phone screen, his impatience growing. It was already past one, which meant that he had been awake for almost an hour already.  
Earlier, Jaebeom had hoped Youngjae was awake since he probably woke up from the dream too, but time was running out, he could be asleep by now. Jaebeom clicked his tongue in annoyance: the taxi didn’t look like it would be moving anytime soon.  
Jaebeom couldn’t wait any longer: he gave the taxi driver enough cash to pay for the full ride, but opened the door and went outside, determined to walk the rest of the way. He felt the heavy drops of rain fall on his face, but this was not enough to stop him.  
Checking the address once again on his phone, he started to feel nervous. What if Youngjae was already asleep? What if Youngjae didn’t want to hear him out? What if he had ruined everything and there was no way to go back or fix anything? Or maybe he was being too dramatic? He thought he was doing the right thing, he acted on his impulse, but fear suddenly was invading him.  
But Jaebeom was the kind of person to act on instinct. To listen to his guts. Especially when it came to Youngjae, he kept following his heart. And he knew, he knew that he had to find him. He had to find him and tell everything that he had on his mind before he would lose the courage to.

So Jaebeom speeded up, until he was running. Under the rain, through the sea of people, his heart racing. He ran like he used to in Youngjae’s dreams, when he wanted to find him, and be by his side.

Jaebeom finally arrived in front of the apartment’s door. He had run so much he was out of breath.  
He didn’t think this through and just rang the bell, hoping for the best.  
The wait felt like an eternity, and he was about to send him a message or to call him, but the door finally opened. Youngjae was standing there, in his pajamas, rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Jaebeom?”  
“I found you.” He smiled widely.  
“Wait, Jaebeom????” Youngjae finally processed what was happening, “what are you doing here so late? It's so far from the dorm???”  
Jaebeom ignored the questions and took Youngjae’s hand in his.  
“I found you.” he repeated, looking straight into Youngjae’s widened eyes. The younger tried to articulate something but nothing came out of his mouth, so Jaebeom kept talking while holding the other’s hand even tighter.  
“I’m sorry for neglecting us, I’m sorry for not showing it enough in real life. I’ll tell you again properly this time, but I love you Youngjae, for real. Please believe me.”  
Youngjae lowered his head so Jaebeom could not decipher his expression right away. His initial confidence was starting to falter. “Youngjae, please say something…”  
The younger finally raised his head a little.  
“Am I dreaming?” he finally asked, in a low voice, his lips curling into a smile.  
“Nope, you’re definitely not.” Jaebeom grinned.  
Youngjae properly looked up, and met Jaebeom’s eyes, smiling even more widely.  
“Took you long enough.” He put his free hand on Jaebeom’s cheek, “I’m sorry too. For acting like that instead of telling you exactly what I felt. And for even doubting your feelings for me." He leaned forward to gently kiss him, still smiling against Jaebeom's lips. “And I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello :D thank you so much for reading. I didn't have time to edit it much so I hope it's not too bad and that at least one person will like this story?  
> I got super inspired by this prompt, I have no idea who submitted it but thank you so much! It was quite challenging to follow the actual timeline haha I am not really sure about the result but at least it was fun thinking about this story and writing it :')  
> (oh also, the title comes from the (quite famous) piano piece Liebestraum no.3 by Liszt. ~)


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